Fallangie says
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Why I like animals more than I like people...
Thursday, February 7, 2013
My Tic Tac (1999 - 2013)
My view when I'd wake up. |
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Things I Love...
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
The Right to Bear Arms?
Sunday, August 7, 2011
All I need from you is…
So, I was cruising around town one very hot summers day whilst listening to Led Zeppelin… as I often do. But, this one time… I was listening to Out On the Tiles, and it made me think… and then think some more. Analyzing Led Zeppelin lyrics has always been a great past time for me, but there really isn’t much to analyze with this song; it’s pretty straightforward and honest. “All I need from you is all your love. All you got to give to me is… All your love?” Sounds great, except the only thoughts that went through my head were… what I DON’T need from you. Yes, many thoughts… and I know this much… all I don’t need from you is… for you to pretend to be somebody you are not in an attempt to electrify or personify me. The truth will come out eventually, so you may as well get it over with… as no one is perfect. This will only put us both in a pickle, and lead to our demise. Also, please don’t try too hard to be funny by pulling foolhardy maneuvers or making asinine jokes. It’s like this: A) You are funny. B) You are not funny. Overkill. Next… please don’t come on to me real strong and act all emotional when we’re alone, then totally go Danny Zuko style in front of your friends. Really? How old are you? And please, when you come over, don’t park in front of a fire hydrant… nuff said. Also, please don’t break up with me for a safety girl, and then make sexual innuendos towards me when she’s in the next room. This means you are a flawed human being. I understand if you want to settle down with a breeder, but wouldn’t it make better sense to sexually innuendo her then? I hope you are a having a divine marriage. And please don’t moan and constantly bitch about all the wrongdoings life has endeared you… or bitch about your job because it is not what you dreamt. This will only make you sound like a pussy. Hard work pays and it is honorable... unless it’s illegal I guess. Please don’t bail out on me because “feelings” are now in the cards, and you don’t want a girlfriend… I know this is your prerogative, but don’t call me approximately one year later to rekindle. Guess what? I moved on. Please don’t try to be my friend, unless you mean it… true friends stand by you in time of need and don’t play childish games with each other. Look up “friend” in the dictionary… on second thought, I will do it for you: 1) A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 2) A person who gives assistance; patron; supporter. 3) A person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile. You get the gist. Also, please don’t try to make me jealous by flirting or hooking up with a skank, or skanks’ plural. You will squander, as I am NOT, nor will I ever be jealous of skanks. Straight up. Please don’t leave your underwear in my bed, or your watch on my dresser, or other “important” items in my home just as an excuse to see me again. Here’s a thought… you can see me again because you want to see me again. Just say it. Most likely if we had that great of a time to make you forget your junk… I too, will want to see you again; consequently, you won’t have to deal with the dreaded rejection. Also, if you don’t have a college degree, this doesn’t make you stupid; you are the one who makes you stupid. If you try too hard to act scholastic or intellectual, you are only acting like a douche bag. Be yourself… we know you are smart. Please don’t try to communicate with me via third party through social networking. If there is something you want to say to me, you know how to get hold of me. Don’t be a chump... or insult my intelligence. I sure hope your bro-mance enjoyed the enticing poem you posted though.Also… don’t booty text me at five in the morning. Just don’t. Self-explanatory. Also… please don’t follow me at the grocery store and casually whistle or make creepy sounds; there is not a chance in Hell this will work out.This will only give me unnecessary anxiety and pretty much ruin my day. Don’t treat me like a whore, and don’t treat me like your mother. I am not your mom. And a lady never need be treated like a whore, even if she is one. Finally… all I don’t need from you is… backseat driving. I WILL open the door and push you out of the car... I’ll stop first though. And that’s all I have to say about that. The end.
Monday, August 1, 2011
UNION STATION
Friday, June 24, 2011
HEAVEN
Wait there's more. The Ten Commandments... we've heard about them, Thou shalt not kill, steal and commit adultery, Honor thy father and mother (my personal fav), take the Lord's name in vain (sorry I was driving in traffic!), etc... It probably doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure these out! Another Commandment states "Thou shalt have no other gods before me." Hmmm, what a pisser... now I cannot believe in the Buddha, Abraham, Confucius, Allah (God forbid!)... Or any of the other gazillion entities in this world? What to do. I really want to go to heaven when I die because I heard that Hell is bad bad bad.
Wait, I remember how to get to Heaven when I die. I need to be Saved! I was told this when I went to church with with my aunt five years ago on Easter Sunday. All or nothing, "they" said. Jesus' way or the highway. Cool, I think I will do it this Sunday. I can renounce Satan and evil with blessed water. Sweet. Does this mean I can now practice unethical procedures in business; not practice what I preach; condemn abortion... then later that day discuss blowing up the Middle East and support the death penalty; put down vegetarians because the Bible claims that animals are for man to eat (even though theoretically plants were the choice before "dominion" on animals); have sex with a hooker; covet my neighbor; be a racist, and still make it to heaven? Yes! Because I will be Saved by the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit!
Uh oh. Does this mean I have to become a hypocrite? Does this mean I cannot be friends with Homosexuals... and do I have to vote Republican? Basically, what I'm asking... If I want to go to heaven when I die, do I have to act like an asshole to get there? Screw it... I'm going to the beach on Sunday! However, I will make sure I give some change or whatever I can spare to a starving, or perhaps drug addicted homeless person.
-His Holiness the Dalai Lama